Wipeout!!!!

Just back from a week's long holiday in Newquay down in Cornwall. 525 miles door to door which amazingly I managed on one tank full of diesel. Still, being stuck in a car for the best part of 9 hours is not the most fun I have had in my life and my legs are a little stiff.

Anyway, while I was on holiday I wasn't completely lazy. Spent three days trying to learn how to surf. Now, when you see those guys on the TV surfing these massive waves in somewhere like Hawaii or Australia they make it look so easy and effortless. They glide across the waves as if held up by some magical force. In reality though, the complete opposite is true... well at least for me it was.

The theory behind it is fine. You lie on your board and wait for a big enough wave to come up behind you. When you see it coming you paddle as fast as you can and then hopefully the wave will catch you and propel you forward. As soon as that happens you have to get up on to your knees, being careful not to lean back as that slows you down. Finally you bring your front leg up before turning side on and hopefully riding the wave to the shore or thereabouts.

The reality is this. On shore the practice sessions you do rehearsing the steps you have to take are pretty simple. As soon as you add waves into the equation all the practice goes out of the window. First of all you have to battle your way through the surf and get far enough out from the shore so that you can meet the waves as they start to form. Now, I am just over 6' tall and weigh around 16 stone which means I am fairly solid. Waves don't care. They have no regard for size, shape, weight or any other attribute. When they hit you, you move backwards... no arguments. The trick is to move as far forward in between the waves crashing in to you so that the net result is that you are still going forward.

Okay, so you've made it out far enough to catch the big waves as they start to form. The next trick is to lie on your board and wait for a big enough wave. Now, you would think that lying on a surf board would be pretty easy. However, these things are not the most stable of objects laterally and so it is quite tricky to stop yourself from falling off sideways, especially when you are in less than stable conditions.

Next, you are on your board facing towards the beach and waiting for that wave to come along and carry you off. When it's a couple of metres behind you you have to start paddling as fast as you can to build up some speed otherwise the wave just passes under you and heads for the beach. Now, inertia is not eactly something you would think you have to worry about in the water but, again for me at least, it was a consideration. The first day I was out, the waves were pretty small and didn't have any real power behind them and so I found it really difficult being able to generate any momentum. This meant I was constantly becoming frustrated at my lack motion. The second day was better and the third better still. I managed to get myself moving and caught a few waves in the process. Now comes the tricky bit...

Standing up on a surfboard, to me at least, is a bit like the first time you go on ice wearing skates. You just accept that you are going to fall over at some point. Like I said before, once you have caught a wave you have then got to try getting up on your knees and then get your front foot up before standing up. As well as doing this you have to remain mindful of keeping weight over the front of the board so that it doesn't slow down, letting the wave pass underneath you. In the end I think I may have only briefly managed to stand up on my board once. The rest of the time I just couldn't get my balance and then try and get up as well as keeping my balance. When you fall and a wave hits you, sea water gets forced in your mouth, nose, ears, etc. Not pleasant.

After 3 days I had had enough. The wet suit look isn't a glamourous look on me at present and when the sun is beating down on you as well it isn't the most comfortable thing to wear. Still, I am glad I tried surfing and if I was ever back down in that neck of the woods again I might give it another go. Don't think it's ever going to replace cycling though.